"Sorry Doesn't Mean Squat"

It's day 2 of me blogging.  My friend Spencer (a blogging veteran) offered to save me from making lots of unfortunately ugly amateur blogging mistakes by giving me a quick lesson. Result? A better understanding of placing my photos and a fancy new Twitter Feed. And though I don't think I'll be a regular, daily "poster", I figured I would give it another shot.

What's on my mind? The fact that I noticed today how often I say, "I'm sorry!" It's pathetic really. I'll say it if I step on your shoes, if I feel like I have bored you with my stories, if I feel bad for something that happened to you, or sometimes even if something isn't my fault--I was just around. It just comes out involuntarily. Even worse, I think it much more than it actually comes out of mouth. So I am sitting here wondering just what could be the root of this "disability." Because, come on, it's not polite. It's just weird.

The irony of it all is that my father raised me under the tenet that "sorry doesn't mean squat". I can hear it almost as clearly today as I did at age 8 or so (though I called him to confirm to ensure we wasn't publicly misrepresented). "People don't care about how you feel, Jessica, or that your real sorry." It was a cop out he said, for those who messed up to move on without a worry. His lesson was that you should reserve those words for times when you really meant it. Times when it was really necessary. If overused, it means nothing. But most importantly, if you are truly sorry, he taught, prove it with your actions! Daddy is full of wisdom like this, and most of the time he lives by his words, too. I valued his lesson then, and I still do today. So why didn't it stick? Well...then there's the other half of me. My oh so sweet, constantly appologetic, bleeding heart mother. She doesn't mean anything negative by her repeated use of "I'm sorry!". It's just in her nature, and so too, I guess it's in mine...but with a little twist.

I don't think I am bound to a lifetime of using sorry even though it "doesn't mean squat." There's hope for me. But it'll take some work.